SEVEN WEEKS TO SAY GOODBYE

by

61

It seemed as if Bobby had been gone for months instead of sixteen days. When she returned home from England where she had attended her only sibling’s funeral following his unexpected death, the excitement of being together kept us awake talking long after our usual bedtime.

Two days after our joyful reunion, on September  27,  Bobby waved goodbye as she pedaled off to return a sweater at the Arsenal Mall in Watertown.  An hour later, the phone rang. Since the number was unfamiliar, I hesitated before answering. When a woman’s voice asked if I was related to Roberta Wiggins, my heart stopped. For years, long before Bobby lost most of her hearing, I’d had a premonition that Bobby would have an accident while riding her bicycle. I considered asking her to stop biking but knowing the joy and sense of freedom it gave her, I couldn’t myself to do it. Also, I’m a fatalist, believing our end time is predetermined, unable to delay the angel of death. 

“Yes! Yes, I’m her husband! What happened?”

“She’s been hit by a large truck…her leg…so much blood. The police, ambulance are coming!”

Frantic, I called the Watertown Police who assured me that someone would call back as soon as they knew where Bobby had been taken. Fifteen long minutes later,  they said she was in Beth Israel Hospital Trauma Center. A neighbor drove me over. 

 I was led into the  Waiting Room. One hour passed.  Another hour.

“Where is Bobby,” I asked. 

“As soon as she is out of the OR, we will come for you.”

On the five o’clock news, there was a short segment about a truck hitting a bicyclist in Watertown. When I saw the size of the vehicle, my heart dropped. How could her slight frame survive such an impact? Two more hours passed.  Finally a nurse guided me through long corridors and up an elevator to the E R Trauma Center. The scene was impossible to comprehend.  With so many IVs, a breathing machine with a large tube down her throat, I could barely recognize my wife. The young nurse did her best to answer my questions. 

Near midnight, a doctor entered. “The miracle here is that she’s alive,” he said. “We’ll need another miracle for her to survive without catching an infection or pneumonia.” 

A day later, our long time friend, Diane, came to stay with me. As we walked to Beth Israel each day, we’d tell old stories about Bobby, unable to digest the seriousness of her condition. We sat in silence  watching her motionless body, listening to the sound of the breathing machine in the antiseptic glare of fluorescent light, never mentioning the tube sucking blood from some unknown place under the sheets into a canister. 

For eight days, Bobby’s severe wounds needed to be changed daily in the OR under anesthesia.  I asked the nurse why the breathing tube needed to remain in place. “I want to talk to her.” When the tube was finally removed, Bobby’s vocal cords were traumatized, rendering her unable to eat or drink. She spoke with a whisper but at least we could talk, and when her beautiful blue eyes focused on me, I cried. 

Finally, Bobby was moved from the ICU to a private room. The sun shone in the windows. The nurses were so caring, every few days one would braid Bobby’s hair. As her bandages were being changed, I found the courage to take a look. My God, the damage was inconceivable. But hope serged whenever her eyes met mine. I remarked to Diane how Bobby’s demeanor had become almost childlike, innocent.  Diane had noticed as well. Andy, Diane’s husband, joined us on our daily visits. The three of us sang devotional songs to Bobby.  Her eyes stayed riveted on Andy as he led the song. 

Friends came for a short visit. I couldn’t tell if they thought Bobby was doing well or dying. Someone asked how long I stayed each day. ”All day, 7-8 hours,” I said. “What do you do all that time,” they asked? I had to think because the time passed so quickly. I loved being with her, massaging her feet, helping her with simple exercises, and chatting like we’d done for over 50 years.  There was nowhere I’d rather be.

After three weeks, Bobby’s progress slowed. Full of hope, we didn’t seem to notice or didn’t want to notice. But when both Diane and I noticed Bobby peering at her massive wounds with an expression of disbelief, our hope waned. I continued to ask questions about her progress and  how they planned to skingraft such a large area. Definitive answers were rare, but a nurse said it was good to ask questions; Bobby needed an advocate. Another week passed as her condition continued to decline, Bobby began to have spiritual visions.Her Guru appeared to her within. I’d heard of Indian followers of the Saint having similar experiences but for Bobby to confirm that our Guru had come to support her was awe inspiring. Diane, Andy and I were so moved by her proclamations that we temporarily forgot the seriousness of Bobby’s broken body. 

Despite knowing how dire Bobby’s situation was, the nurses remained positive. They commented how radiant she looked, how bright her eyes were. They were brilliant!  Instead of having a touch of green, they were now a vibrant blue. No one had an explanation. 

An infection invaded one of the large wounds and found its way into Bobby’s blood steam. Back to the ICU with low, very low blood pressure, kidneys failing and her lungs were filling with fluid. A surgeon told me without dialysis, she couldn’t last. 

“And with Dialysis?” I asked. 

He looked down, “Her kidneys might rebound.”

“And?”

“Her prognosis is grim.

A meeting was called. Diane sat in. The doctors wanted to persevere. After all the time and energy put in to save Bobby, they didn’t want to quit. I knew that Bobby had no fear of dying; we’d discussed end-of-life issues many times through the years. I asked Diane for her thoughts. She said a few days earlier Bobby had told her how pointless it was to keep her alive.

“No more treatments,” I said. “ let her have some peace before dying.” That’s my decision,”

Bobby was moved to a new room where she drifted in and out of consciousness. Her labored breathing was torturous to listen to, but Diane, who had worked for years in hospice, knew as bad as it sounded, this was normal. “Don’t let them give her morphine, it will cloud her mind. She should be as alert as possible for the transition.” 

All night I listening to that death rattle. The next day friends came to stay farewell in silence. How do I say goodbye after 53 years? That night at 9:30, Bobby took her last breath. I sat with her lifeless body trying to grasp what had happened. I couldn’t. But even in my state of shock, the silence in this room was inescapable. Dead silence! Now I understood that expression, without life, there’s only silence. She was pronounced dead at 10:40 pm on Nov.14th. I went home.

Diane and Andy stayed for another two weeks to help me begin the impossible task of adjusting to life without Bobby. Bobby and I were so close, so attached.  I felt that half of my heart and soul had just been torn away. At this later date, there will be no recovery for me, just living without intimacy, without the person who knew me inside out and still loved me, without my best friend. And what about all my love for her? It’s turned into grief. ‘Grief is love that has nowhere to go’. Our house is full of her absence, everything reminds me of Bobby. 

Traveling to India was out of the question this winter. I wonder if I’ll ever return—too many memories. 

This will be the last entry of A Small Case Across India that Bobby and I took so much pleasure in writing. I hope through the years it captured our love affair with India, its people and culture as well as the love we had for each other. Our marriage was no less than heaven on earth.   

61 thoughts on “SEVEN WEEKS TO SAY GOODBYE”

  4. Thank you Gerard for your beautiful reflections. I know I’m not the only who thinks of you and hopes and prays for your healing and Master’s Grace filling or surrounding you so this will be recieved with gratitude all around. Although I didn’t know Bobby well, I always appreciated her kindness and open-hearted listening and have been shocked by her leaving in such difficult circumstances. she was so lucky to have you and I know had so many loving friends. I pray you find your way forward into whatever the next chapters bring to you. Much love in MAster, Lynn

    Like

    Reply

  5. Dear Gerard so much beauty, so much emotion, so beautifully written – thank you. Dear Bobby what a wonderful rich and textured life you had together.

    Like

    Reply

  6. Gerard my heart breaks for you. What a beautiful love & life the two of you had. Thank you for sharing part of this lovely woman with us. Hugs & wishing you peace with your memories to sustain you,

    Diane Jordan

    Like

    Reply

  9. Even though I ve been told what those 7 weeks were like from Diane reading this brings it all back and my heart aches.

    I have so many memories of Bobby. I would get long catch up emails from her. And when I think of all the times we were with you both in Boston..well it’s still unreal.

    We all leave this body..and we know it will happen but really never prepared for the loss of our spouse, Our closest friend

    Love you “G” as Bobby would refer to you in our emails.

    will stay in touch

    Like

    Reply

      • I met Roberta at exercise. I was staying in Boston part time with my now husband back in 2013-2016. She and I went to the beach once or twice and for a walk here and there. I enjoyed her letters about your travels to India very much.

        Like

  11. Beautifully written about an amazing woman I briefly met, but feel I know after reading for years of your journeys to India. Thank you for sharing the last steps together on this plane. Prayers and love to you. ❤️

    Like

    Reply

  13. Hello Gérard, you may remember the French couple we are (we met in Agonda around 2011 or 2012 and you even mentionned us in one of your blogs).

    We are sorry to hear about Bobby’s departure and about the suffering she has gone through before that.

    She was so lucky to have you and many dear friends next to her in her process of parting from matter, and we are rejoycing in the fact that she left with so much peace and serenity around her and in her heart.

    We wish you’ll find strength to slowly recover from this loss. What seems sure is that you will always be driven and inspired by the love you shared so beautifully with her.

    You also shared it with others, through your letters from India, that we always enjoyed very much. They were so nicely written, and with always so much sensibility. Thank you for that!

    With much love,

    Danièle and Audouin

    Like

    Reply

    • Yes, of course I remember you two although I don’t recall who introduced us. Doesn’t matter.
      Bobby and I were most fortunate, our love, our lives following in the same direction and following the same spiritual path. We didn’t take our good luck for granted either. We expressed to each other and the Power that made it all possible. Since I’m not going to India any time soon, I may visit friends in Europe this spring. I think a change of scene will do me good. Thank you so much for your sweet and kind reply.
      Best wishes for a brighter New Year, (but I doubt it will be)
      Gerard

      Like

      Reply

  14. Dear Gerard and Bobby,Gerard,  you did a beautiful farewell to your soulmate. Bobby, I know you would agree. There will never be another you.  Tears are flowing. Love,Barbara

    Like

    Reply

  18. Dear Gerard,

    My heart goes out to you. Sending prayers for grace to bring you support and comfort at this time. My sincerest condolences for your profound loss, may the Master’s great love sustain you. 🙏❤️

    Wendy Thayer

    Like

    Reply

    • Thank you Wendy. Master was with Bobby just as He promised. It was quite confirming to hear her say “I see master everywhere!” I should be so fortunate. I know He’s right here but my grief gets in the way. It’s going to take time, not to heal but to be able to function, to be able to concentrate and focus again. Until then, I just put one foot in front or the other. Unfortunately, you know all about this, don’t you. I hope you have found peace and can remember George without torment. I hope for the same one day.

      Like

      Reply

  19. Dear Gerard,

    I shed tears this morning reading your last entry. Thank you so very much for sharing your last experiences with Bobby. Having known you both through our shared travels and occasional meetups in India the last 15 years was such a gift! Bobby’s friendliness, and both of your sense of adventure have been so inspiring. I will never forget her, and her beautiful blue eyes! It sounds like you have a supportive community of friends, and I know you have always channeled your experiences through your art and music, so I hope you keep just doing that, as you process your grief and the loss of your soul mate. Thinking of you with so much tenderness, take good care.

    Like

    Reply

    • Thank you Uschi, we also loved meeting you in India, to hear about your amazing experiences was so thrilling.
      It will be difficult for me to return to India, but who knows.
      I am blessed, so many friends rushed in to support me. I don’t like to think how I would have managed without that support.
      Love and best wishes,
      Gerard

      Like

      Reply

  20. My Dear Brother Gerard 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽👑

    Thank you for the beautiful and heartfelt entry back to the blog post, honoring our sweet Bobby’s passing.
    It has been truly inspiring to read your reflections as those final moments, so unwelcome, arrived at your doorstep. 💕✌🏽👑
    She was a Queen, deeply loved, and her light continues to shine in all of us. 🥰

    Master’s Grace was so evident in the care her dedicated team of staff provided—each gesture reflecting the genuine love and attention she received daily.
    Please find comfort in knowing that she will be there, waiting to greet us when our time comes to transition from this world to the next. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

    Like

    Reply

  21. Dear Gerard

    Bobby was a truly special soul—an angel in every sense. Her kindness, warmth, and gentle spirit touched everyone who had the privilege of knowing her. She had a way of making the world brighter, of making people feel seen and loved, and that is a gift that will never fade.

    I just want to take a moment to thank you—for sharing her with all of us, for the love and devotion you showed her through the years, and for the strength and grace you carry even in this difficult time. The love you both built over 53 years is something rare and beautiful, and it will always remain.

    Please know that you are not alone. You are surrounded by people who care deeply for you and who hold you in their hearts. If there is anything I can do, even just to listen, I am here.

    With deepest sympathy and gratitude,

    Bruno

    Like

    Reply

  22. Dearest Gerard, always hardest for the one still left on the physical plane…

    We know that our beautiful Bobby flew away into realms of Light, and she must have been especially joyful to hear the Divine Music and words of love and greeting from our Masters.

    We love you, Dana and Kent

    Like

    Reply

    • Thanks Dana. Yes, it’s very painful to be left behind although I wouldn’t have wished to reverse the tables on Bobby.
      I have no worries about Bobby, Master was there to take her. But the adjustment to living without her seems insurmountable. I will just have to wait and see what lays ahead…with no expectations.

      Like

      Reply

  25. Thanks for finishing it Gerard. I sent it to some friends and family. I sent you two texts about getting together last Friday but maybe you didn’t see them. We ended up going home after Jeff’s appointment at Mass Eye. Just know that we are thinking about you and sending Master’s Love your way. Please take care of yourself and keep on keeping on

    Like

    Reply

  26. Gerard, Thank you for sharing such beautiful sentiments for a beautiful life well lived and filled with love, for your wife Bobby, for one another, for our Master, for all of your beloved family and wonderful friends and for sharing your amazing earthy travels across the globe.

    Like

    Reply

  27. I really have no words, Gerard. Your Bobby was (and still is I believe) a bright and shining star. Thank you for sharing your love story.

    Wishing you peace and courage.

    Like

    Reply

  28. Dear Gerard

    On returning form Baba Ram Singh Joe Gelbard sent me your beautiful remembrance of our Dear Sister Roberta, treasure even more the little time we spent together in Channasandra. Your loss is not measurable and I feel some of your grief.

    Still recall your conveying how you worried about Bobbie every time she rode away on her bicycle. Understand completely how much she enjoyed the time and freedom. Catherine is on horseback as I type always a relief when she returns.

    If you ever find yourself in the Southern hemisphere you have a place to stay and family who loves you.

    Best Regards

    Michael

    Like

    Reply

    • Thank you Michael. These are hard times for those who are attached to everything but the Master. I haven’t begun to adjust to Bobby’s departure. Probably never will at this late date. Everything worldly has its price. Best wishes to you both, Gerard

      Like

      Reply

  29. Gerard such a beautiful, and befitting tribute to your lady love- Bobby- You guys showed all of us the joy and happiness of being together… I truly believe leaving you must not have been easy for her and am sure she is , and always will be, with you in spirit .
    If possible , you can continue to contribute towards “a small case across India ‘ in any form like sharing – how to keep the flame of love alive, hi your experiences or bobby’s … we will experience her through your writings and eyes …..

    we really wish you come back to India again …
    More love , strength and power to you..

    Like

    Reply

    • Thank you for your response, very good to hear from you.
      I think that blog is finish, in the future I could start a different one…maybe.
      From what I saw in Bobby’s last days, she was ready and willing to move on, with the grace from our Master. That made her departure so much easier for me to accept. Consequently, I don’t have any worry about her. Bobby’s destiny is now on a different plane of consciousness. The difficulty is making the adjustment to living without my lover, best friend and spiritual companion.
      Could you please say a few words about how you are and what you’re doing. Are you still in the same place etc.
      Thanks again for contacting me.
      Love, Gerard

      Like

      Reply

Leave a reply to Bruno Cancel reply